I remember the first time a friend of the family suggested to me that my son was possibly autistic. We was visiting my uncle Joe, Aydan would have been almost 3 and a half at this time. We was all gathered in the living room sipping coffee while my son repeatedly climbed their stairs, happily flapping and humming.
Nonchalantly she says, “Have you had him evaluated for autism?
The whole room went silent, and all eyes were on me. I could feel my face getting hot. My body’s defense mechanism when I am anxious or embarrassed.
Autism? No… I don’t even know what that is, I replied.
Oh, she spoke slow and soft now. Well it might be a good idea to get him tested. Then she stood up, walked her cup to the kitchen, said her goodbyes and she left.
The conversation over as quickly as it started.
Autism.
What is autism? Why would he need an evaluation? Is it bad? Is he sick? Is something wrong with him?
I felt nauseous.
I looked over at my boy, my almost four year old bouncing up and down the stairs. Did she say that because he doesn’t talk yet? Because he’s not potty trained yet and still requires diaper changes?
How can she look at my beautiful boy for a whole fifteen minutes and make an assumption like that?!
I left feeling lost and defeated. I went home and googled autism.
Now the search results for autism seven years ago is a lot different than what you will find today.
I was lost, scared and overwhelmed. Almost a month later, Aydan was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder level 3. I walked out of Nationwide Children’s Hospital feeling just as defeated as I did that day. We were given a diagnoses and sent on our way.
A few months later as I mindlessly scrolled through social media, I came across a video of a Mom in her car, recalling a time that her autistic son was struggling. I watched in awe as this woman told her story, and I couldn’t believe the similarity of our lives.
What’s the word… Parallel lives. That’s it.
Finally.
Finally I had found someone else sitting in the dark.
I clung to this woman, waiting every day for her posts and videos. I craved a sense of “normalcy” that I felt when I watched her and her beautiful son. I commented on every single one of her posts, trying to form a link of communication between us. I needed this family in my life.
I needed to find my tribe. My people.
And I did.
This woman, has become one of my dearest friends. One of my closest allies, and an amazing advocate. I am very proud to know her.
If I can give you one piece of advice, be that light for someone.
“And if you cannot find your way out of the darkness, I will sit with you and show you the stars. – N.R. Hart
Adventures with Aydan 